In the New Testament, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are harbingers of the end of world. Similarly, the Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse are four specific communication habits that will kill off the relationship. This model was developed by famed psychologist and relationship expert, Dr. John Gottman, who could accurately predict whether a couple would stay married or get divorced based on these signs. Based on decades of research, here are the four predictors that make divorce more likely to happen.
4 Accurate Predictors of Impending Divorce
1. Criticism
Criticism happens when one partner blames the other for an unmet need. When it happens regularly, it can cause feelings of hurt and rejection, which breaks down communication and breeds even more Horsemen. In relationships where criticism is an issue, marriage counseling in New York is vital for developing healthier communication habits.
2. Contempt
Going one step above criticism, contempt can be defined as a pattern of targeted meanness. Contemptuous acts are often abusive and meant to hurt or shame the victim. Using sarcasm, mimicking, and ridiculing are all examples of contempt in a relationship.
3. Defensiveness
It’s only human to defend oneself. However, being defensive while in a relationship can exacerbate issues. People who respond to criticism with defensiveness are essentially putting the blame on their partner for being critical.
4. Stonewalling
Stonewalling occurs when one partner ignores the other, preventing any possibility of resolution. Typically, it takes a lot of negativity from the first three Horsemen to get to this point in a relationship.
Relationship Help
Fortunately, these bad habits can be reversed with marriage counseling in New York. If you recognize any of these Horsemen from your own relationship and wish to learn more, reach out to the Relationship Suite today.